When I grew up I wanted to be an astronaut; Leave earth behind, blast off to find a pale oasis/pair of aces out under the stars. That dream is dead. I'm barely fed, I end up in a cell as often as I end up in a bed. The only stars I ever see flash in the back of my eyelids when my head hits the concrete. Passing out can be so sweet, It resets the beating. Another night locked up waiting for the sun to shine. In or out, it's just as fine. What do you know, it's another night locked up waiting for the sun to shine. Bet you never talked to somebody like me with your coward's voice and college degree. You crossed the street, we happened to meet, I had nothing to eat so you were on the menu Gun to your head, your teeth on the grass, that cop came out of nowhere and saved your ass, but if I had had your luck, I sure as fuck wouldn't be wasting away for the same fuck who had zoned me. I never asked to be lonely. I’m one of a kind. Another night locked up waiting for the sun to shine Another night locked up waiting for the sun to shine A busted orbital and a metal bed after the fight A coward’s flight in the dead of night I've been a victim all my life. I don't plan anymore, I'm just a small chain reaction objecting to wealth, objecting to you, I'm grounded for life, but what I do is mine to choose and I won't blame you for it. It's a pain to orbit. Another night locked up, waiting to get what’s mine.

Vacant eyes and a place I can hide. Settled for decay, won't let it stay that way. I had a lot to learn when I started red pills. Truth, I will find it. So much is wrong, it won’t fit into a song, “There's nowhere I belong, and I will blame you for it.” Watching the ticker turn like a broker, knowing, that they'll never riot. Euphoria! Make the World Turn Off! The first stone’s the righteous one, alright. "Never again" is a sad game of pretend. Don't know how it'll end but I know can start it. I've got the power coursin’ through my fingers, growing to the stuff of legends Open the door, dodge the garbage on the floor, hope for something more, but I got these empty pockets. I had a lot to learn when I started there was flashing, and ashes, and it got so violent Euphoria! Make the World Turn Off! The first stone is the righteous one, alright. Euphoria! Is a loaded gun! And target's paint up like kites.

Packed into this basement like a bale of hay, I'm not feeling so good about anything today: I'm distracted, I'm annoying, Not feeling right, so I go outside. Pull my hood around my head, get the line tight. Hiding plain sight don’t hide enough. It’s all sulfur smell and it's hard to tell. I met this woman named Six, she says “we're living in hell” and ever since then the ground's been eroding. It's gonna to hurt so much when I have to die or that you might just die first. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be without you. I want to see you Multiply. Walk down to the pier, get called a queer. Guess I didn't leave high school behind me. Do I flip em off, or do I stare at the ground? Nobody means what they say, it’s all just gas and sound. You're my safety. You're my conscience. I remember the path, the dancing light, avoid the fight. Where I come from they say “love’s a bummer.” It's gonna hurt so much when I have to die or that you might just die first: I don't want to be alone. And the motion slows, but what do I know except that it grows, it grows, it grows, it grows? Out in the meadow, they're kicking the kettle around. I don't want to be without you. I just want to see you Multiply, a little glint in my eye. Back in the basement it's all alright. Multiply, multiply, would you come home with me tonight? Figure it out in the morning? All through the night when will it start again? It'll start again.

Chasing trains in borrowed jackets, pay my rent like I'm speed racer. Making friends with all the crack heads and chased down alleys by teenagers. Running from my past like a spirit, but I don't believe in it. Let it pass. Do I recognize the face in the glass? (No!) Go outside? Or stay in and hide. Wanna ask you how you're doing but if I'm being honest, I won't be writing down any of the answers. Sharing's a feeling best served Warm and Light/Warm at Night/ Try my best to make something special, but a costuming kestrel. The starling hides. There is a rhythm to being alive. It's like the tide going out to the side. This is the sound of malcontent. Erase it and begin again.

Woke from a dream where my family all died. I survived. Waking's surreal when the power goes out. Am I still alive? Float like a starling, head reeling, "darling, "you're out in the control" I'm in an engine of iron and coal. Sober and small, dodging the call, do what I'm told. Blinded by the blinding light of Castle Braid, Wanna light a fire in this place I made, but bask in a sunshine shining from a screen, bloody-eyed, serene. Have to get started, surrounded by garbage, a cat and a dog. These are the passions of playing along: false alarms, pleasure and harm, rubber and fog. Dodging the graffiti from the swastika boys. Keep my head down and don't make any noise. There is a violence humming on the street. Let it beat. Stopped on the sidewalk, let ‘em beat their point home. Scapegoat sized, the bruises rise, swell under your bones. And are you happy now? Have you covered up the sound of failures not allowed? Of failures and crimes? It's time to go! it's time to go! Get out and over. No use for crying out. I'm docile and defeated, oh! If might makes right, you might be tied down. It goes it goes it goes it goes. Summer sales for shopping comin’ through on my phone. Go ice the bodega with a microphone. They're praying to God that the Weekend will sell before it goes to hell --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Never was ready to be so unsteady They promised us a part of it and sold us out Analphabatapothololgy, cannibal ecology And I don’t want to hurt her, but it’s selfish to Want for us a family and a place to call home. A fire on the stove and a land to churn. These are the passions of being alive. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stuff my favorite shirt into a shopping bag. The smile’s gonna bleed out the mouth of these. RoyOil exploiters, fat selling us hate I’m more than just a target on their data lake No hope that the hopeless will find their way home Before it all will burn and the land returns. These are distractions from being alive survive survive survive survive survive

I got into the job to stop violence. Three weeks in I learned I fucking loved it. Stopping and frisking's the most play I’ll get all day. That's just the way it goes. Lining's not silver, it's blue and gold and red and black. You've got no hope to resist, you’ve got no grounds to attack. You look so pretty with your larynx on the pavement. You wanted out? I'll make you want it more. I was a kid when I watched them take my city. That was the day I burned all my heroes. Watching the plastic and rubber go, like lovers scorned... You’re on the sidewalk, Turning blue. Ready or not, I can see through all the cracks I’ve split in you. That’s just how I do. Sipping styrofoam and coffee in the fluorescence, making the make believe talk with wimpy egoes: They’re singing the manifest songs, like Mao tap dancing on bones They wanted out? They make want to hurl. And then the room was punctured with the presence, united under a light, under obsolescence, they raised their hands up high and to the roof they sang: "We want out. We didn't ASK FOR MORE. "WE WANT OUT. WE WANT OUT. “That's enough." They want out? That's what they said, they want out? That's for sure! And when I'm done, they'll want it even more. They want out, (well I’ve got the gun and) that's for sure. We'll put ‘em down. That's enough.

Trapped in a well thinking this really is hell and I should have been begging for an out by now. The desert is freezing, the spring will decide, they skinned Yamamoto and left me to die. The piss dried on my face, a memory that's hard to erase. We were just following orders but the borders' Mongolian guards were, too. Body’s broken, there’s nothing to do but sit and wait for the light to arrive. I'm awake, can't tell if I'm alive. When I'm awake, can't tell if I'm alive. Sick on the floor, I got a weak constitution for violence. Tears dried on my face, should be conserving water, but the slaughter! History is a comma, I am end point. When I'm awake, can’t tell I’m alive… When I'm awake, can’t tell I’m alive… When I'm awake, can’t tell I’m alive… The sun eclipses the mouth of my cell There's a circle of light where I fell I'll climb out of the hole like Garou and make it to 80 with a story tell, even if I die in the light of the well. Even if I died in the light of the well... Sucked out of the story to a body tucked in bed. Buzzing devices halo my head but I still see what Murakami said: “When I'm awake, can't tell if I'm alive.”

Stuck inside for too many days, watching the valley snows. Lost the electricity when all the pipes froze. Made it to morning with a blanket and a bucket and a death wish for the landlord, read the find print, deconstruct it. "This house is such a shithole "like the fender of a car wreck, "but fill it up with people, "it's emotive, it's an object," like wind blows through these thin walls, like echoes down your school’s halls, like master plans and last calls, master plans and last calls: So human to fear you. You're in the front row, and I barely know you yet. The rafters fill with smoke and the air is slick with sweat. The floor beams bending with the wasted and their diets and the promise ain't a purpose. It's a long shot, it's a riot. Get fucked up, cheers a Structure we don't understand when sober. Spin round, make a tower, then knock each other over We don’t know how to fix what’s wrong but words can turn the power on. Lord knows we’re too far gone but sing a world inside a song, outside of what we’re buying like your name in concrete, drying the foundation in the basement Of a bar… So human to fear you.

Your body takes credit, but time will collect all the life that you write off in your debt. Leonard falls down in the crosswalk between Franklin street and Lafayette. His 240 pounds are dead weight on the ground, a wet bed of concrete and slime. Life is a pennant and you get a few tries but the losses soak deep when they're found. He lifts up his shirt to show me where it hurts and his belly is a valley of scars. He don't know where we are, but his left half's distended, twice the size of my head, and twice as hard. People get numb, and the numbers can't count how many times they end up on the floor, or which time in the hospital they were spit out of when they learned not to care anymore. Now Leonard's in a stretcher, holding hands with his shrew while his wife's away rotting in jail. But my habits are habits, and I'm washing this one down in a bar down on Rivington with Gale. Your body takes credit but time will collect. You hope someone holds out a hand. And when that ambulance stops to pull you inside, You hope you've got enough dignity to stand.